Lining check update

All went well today!! 

Lining is at 9mm! Ovaries quiet! Transfer at 2 pm on November 12!!!! Yay!!!

I can't believe after 4+ years we actually have a chance at a take home baby.!!!

😁😁

10/26 update

Just thought I would hop on and give a brief update. 

This last weekend was kind of crazy... I ended up shattering one of my molars and had to have it pulled, on a Sunday none the less. Thankfully it is out and it's all over with and I have enough time to heal before the actual FET, and luckily I was already on antibiotics for my protocol to begin with. 

Then i went early this morning and had my E2 drawn. While waiting for the results I kept having really bad cramping and a lot of EWCM. On a whim I decided to take a OPK... Mistake! 

The stupid thing was positive!! (The one I took after that was negative though) But my estrogen is way too high for me to be ovulating on my own right now, especially when my ovaries were so quiet just 7 days ago. I stayed to suppressed on the birth control pills which is a much lesser dose of estrogen than the estradiol valerate injections. After a little bit of freaking out and waiting for the nurse to call me back, I finally got a hold of her... 

She said my estrogen was about 359

which is exactly where they want it. And that they were going to be tagging on a progesterone test on my blood lab from today. But she's positive that I'm not ovulating and after I got some reassurance I realize that it is way too early for me to ovulate even if I wasn't being suppressed, on top of the fact that we know there were no follicles growing at my baseline... 

It's so hard to  not go to those dark places and assume that the cycle is going to get canceled because your body is stupid... It's hard to trust your body is going to do the right thing after years (literally five years ) of it doing the very wrong thing... But I must have hope and I must trust...

Breathe in... Breathe out... 

I must stay positive... I must hope with out abandon, and pray without ceasing... This is going to work. It just has to  .. 

Injection fun

Just figured id share a quick vid on how I do my estrogen injections to prepare for this frozen embryo transfer.

 

Started meds!

Let the craziness begin! 

I have my baseline ultrasound and blood work done yesterday... That was a total fiasco but I won't even bother you with the details. The important thing is the tests were completed and came out perfect. 

I started my estradiol valerate injections this evening. 

Along with 5 mg of prednisone, baby aspirin, and my prenatal (which I was taking before with the methylated B) . I'm kind of stoked I don't have to worry about taking pills twice a day etc... Just one estradiol valerate injection twice a week. 

About a week before transfer I will have another ultrasound to check my lining and if all goes well I will start progesterone in oil  five days before transfer, along with Lovenox injections. Antihistamine Protocol. (which consists of prednisones Pepcid AC and Claritin, daily)  At that time I will up my prednisone to 30 mg. The night of the transfer I start crinone inserts too. 

All in all I feel pretty confident about our protocol. I'm also very excited to know that my clinic test my progesterone and estrogen in before my first beta. So while I am waiting they are making sure my hormone levels are optical. I really like the clinic we have chosen. 

So that's about it for now just kind of taking it easy this evening and finishing up some things that are long overdue. I'll keep everybody posted as things progress. 

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Infertility PTSD

Today is CD 2... Baseline on Monday/Tuesday... Which means we are doing our FET, THIS CYCLE!! OMG! This makes me both excited and terrified! 

Up until two days ago I have been nothing but giggles, glitter and unicorns... Nothing but excitement and sheer joy...

I'm not sure if it's the crashing hormones due to AF, or if I am getting a little touch of infertility PTSD... In case you're wondering it's basically post traumatic stress disorder triggered by entering into that crazy territory, called "treating infertility again" and all of the procedures and things that go along with it flash back into your mind both consciously and subconsciously... It can produce restless sleep and nightmares, with some pretty severe anxiety. 

In the past five years we have endured many many different procedures and tests... Tubal reversal, Tons of cycles with Femara, a few with injects, and immune meds, 3 different HSG's, 3 SHG's, 2 saline ultrasounds, mock transfers, A bazillion vaginal ultrasounds, I can't even count how many vials of blood, for hormone levels, Recurrent pregnancy loss/immune panels , intralipid infusions, The termination of 3 ectopic pregnancies with methotrexate, One tube removal, due to a 4th consecutive ectopic, where they also happened to cut Open my bowel on accident... and that is only the very tippy top of the iceberg... I could seriously keep going on and on and on...

I remember about a year and a half ago being so devastated and angry that we had no options left (so I thought at the time anyway) and feeling like I would give anything just to have the hope of a chance... Now that we have a chance and everything is a reality, i'm starting to freak out again!!

"What if my cycle gets canceled", "what if it doesn't work", "what if we have another miscarriage" , "what if our travel is messed up?" ... Again I could go on and on... It's like anxiety instantly hit me the moment AF showed up and it became a reality that we would be cycling. I can't explain it other then I just keep having flashbacks of the last few years... All the pain and devastation....

I'm doing everything I can at this point... Using lavender essential  oils and meditating... Spending time in prayer... But the anxiety lingers. I am determined not to let this steal my joy. I  have fought so hard to get this far, and I'm just not going to be plagued by this depression/anxiety. My little snowflakes deserve better than that... I'm focusing on hope and faith... It still doesn't make the flashbacks easier, but it helps them not control me... 

I honestly never thought I would feel this way again... I thought because I have felt so excited up until this point that I wouldn't suffer with this intense anxiety  in regards to treatments... But it goes to show you to matter how excited you are, matter how much you believe this is going to work, you are still susceptible to feeling a bit anxious... It doesn't mean that you're not excited it just means that you understand what *can* happen... You're not naïve anymore... And most importantly it really does bring up a lot of wounds... Infertility, Regardless of which kind you suffer from and why, it still affects you... Even years after the babies are born(if you happen to be that lucky), You never quite get over the scars. You never really get over The intense emotions that surround the journey you have been on... 

I can't say why I thought this time would be different and why I would walk away unscathed by infertility PTSD ... Maybe it was just wishful thinking. And don't get me wrong this isn't nearly as bad as it has been in the past. But nonetheless... 

Not Long now~